So you’re self-harming again. You need the pain to silence the voices in your head. You know that shortly the pain will be joined by shame. At the moment everything feels rather hopeless and you don’t know how to break the cycle– Going home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with your books. That’s alright but you have to be aware of the tremendous difference between alone and lonely.
Please stop saying that you’re alright, because you’re not. They might not understand you and that is because you don’t understand what comes into your mind either.
Oh, my sweet lad, you are amazing! Stop lay crying in the shower for a whole day and willingly eat things you are allergic to. Yes darling, life can be too much at once sometimes. So many thoughts, impulses, impressions and things moving around and you unable to process then all at once. There are voices whispering in your head again and it makes it even more difficult to know what you think or feel because trying to drown it out takes so much effort and strength. Don’t judge yourself so hard.
You don’t have to have a concrete plan of actions. You’re too young to be stressed with the things happening around which you can’t control. Bloom where you are planted. Be the best you can be at your present assignment, and stay there until God calls you elsewhere.
There’s a different perspective I want you to see. This time when the voice whispers in your head, the rational side of you knows that what it says isn’t true. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have the right to feel sad, but it will help you to choose what to believe which beneficial for you. And no, you don’t have to be sorry for being different. You should not believe that the abuse you’ve suffered in your life happened because you deserved it or asked for it. Be kind to yourself. Don’t just try to drown your sorrows but face them instead. Keep in your mind that those bastards know how to swim.
Despite of the voices in your head, the anxiety attacks, the occasional paranoia, the manic episodes and the fact that you are afraid of almost everything and everyone, you have friends you love that loves you. Be strong to be able to ask for help. You get to study what you love and have the job you like. So hang in there my sweet lass, choose to live your life. Be braver than any dragon slayer in the stories!